Ever been sucker punched?
Well, I do believe I got Zucker punched last week because I wound up doing time in Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook jail.
Yep, I reckon I now have a record.
People joke about Facebook jail, but I’m here to tell you that it’s a real thing. Well, at least virtually.
Say one thing that they (whoever “they” is) and suddenly you’re electronically put in time out, with no chance to even defend yourself. You can still browse Facebook all you want; you just can’t post anything, make comments, or even hit the ever-popular “like” button.
It’s like being a little kid with your nose pressed up against the window of a candy store, watching everyone else scarfing down all the free chocolate they want.
And who wants to be that kid? Not I.
Okay, so you may be curious about what landed me there and cost me my freedom for three solid days. A Facebook friend of mine posted about having their feelings hurt by someone close to them, so all I did was ask if I needed to go break some legs.
Apparently the Facebook folks have no sense of humor and pass judgement faster than you can say, “Can’t you freaks take a joke?!”
The next thing I knew, I was officially informed that I was in the cyber pokey. They said, and I quote, “You cannot post a comment for three days. This is because you previously posted something that didn’t follow our Community Standards. This comment goes against our standards on violence and incitement, so only you can see it. Repeatedly violating our Community Standards can cause further account restrictions.”
I thought to myself, “Hmmm.”
And then I thought, “Suddenly, they have standards?!”
They followed that up with, “If you think we’ve made a mistake you can disagree with the decision.”
If you think I called them on that, you know me well. I clicked on the “disagree” button and got an immediate response:
“You disagreed with the decision. We usually offer the chance to request a review, and follow up if we got decisions wrong. We have fewer reviewers available right now because of the coronavirus (COVID-19) outbreak. We’re trying hard to prioritize reviewing content with the most potential for harm. This means we may not be able to follow up with you, though your feedback helps us do better in the future. Thank you for understanding.”
Understanding?! What I understood was that they could whack me immediately, and then didn’t have time to listen to my rebuttal.
Fewer reviewers because of COVID?! I know they’re not in danger from the virus because it’s the same number of pencil-necked, parasitic weasels who are making these “educated” decisions anonymously from the safety of their parents’ basements, where they dwell like the cockroaches they are.
They’re probably making their dastardly decisions in their underwear, and wearing a mask to boot.
Some folks were probably relieved that I was out of pocket for a few days, as I do like to post a lot of stuff.
Some thought it was funny: Daughter No. 2 asked if I wanted her to bake me a cake with a file in it. I don’t know if she meant the metal rasp kind or a digital one.
I did have one other experience with Facebook jail, but that was just a 24-hour stint. I have a feeling that I may wind up being a repeat offender, but at least I get the last laugh for this latest incarceration, because it provided me material for a column and put a little jingle in my pocket.
Take that, you cyber Nazis!