In the midst of all of 2020’s turmoil, fear, hatred, angst, uncertainty, unrest, anarchy, sickness, hopelessness, and hype, there must be some respite we can find to escape, regroup, and relax. I offer you the perfect (albeit quite simple and temporary) solution — fix yourself a sandwich and take your time enjoying it.

Everybody loves sandwiches, even those on strict diets who wish they could eat bread like they used to. What’s not to like about a sandwich, because there are no rules, nor limitations when it comes to customizing your own? From tiny finger sandwiches to the “Dagwood” (a sky-high concoction made popular decades ago in Chic Young’s cartoon strip “Blondie”) it’s all up to you as to how you want to tantalize your taste buds.

Anything constitutes a sandwich, I say. You can slap anything you want between two pieces of bread and you have a sandwich. You can put something between two pieces of lettuce, and that counts. I’ve even seen stuff crammed between two chicken breasts that worked. Be imaginative, y’all — this is one of the few things in life that you have complete control over!

Sometimes the simplest sandwiches are the best. Many love just putting tomato slices between bread with mayo, salt and pepper. I love that, too, and call mine the M&M — ‘mater and mayo. A triple-decker PB&J is near and dear to my taste buds as well, especially if it’s homemade guava jelly. A great variation of that is to toast waffles to use in place of the bread. Try that, and your belly will growl every time you think of eating one of those.

Who doesn’t love a great BLT? You can vary that one by using a slice of fried green tomato, rather than a raw slice. Yep, now you’re thinking, where’s that been all my life?! Why can’t we have stuff like that on the menu of our restaurants? Should we start a petition?

Spam gets a bad rap, whether it’s the canned variety or the junk mail in your computer. Somebody once told me that Spam was an acronym that stands for “Something Posing As Meat.” I never questioned that because I might not want to know if it’s true or not. What I do know is that when it’s sliced and fried, it makes for a might fine sandwich. I guess you could even call it a Spamwich.

I’ve seen menus that offer “open faced” sandwiches. I think that means that you only get one slice of bread, so I have to question how they can actually designate that as a sandwich. All I really know about that term is that when I get around a nice sandwich, I’m the one who opens my face and makes it disappear.

I recall a popular eatery in Charlotte County back in the early 1970s called Nickerson’s Pizza, and let me tell you about something on their menu. It was a six-foot sub sandwich and it only cost six bucks. That’s just a dollar a foot, and good luck finding a simple hamburger these days for that price!

Being a native Floridian (aka endangered species) that was raised in the country, I’m likely to pronounce sandwich as “sammich.” I know I’m not alone in this, and wouldn’t care if it was. There’s just something about the thought of a sammich versus sandwich that makes me hungrier. Had the guy who invented the first one been born in these parts, he might not have had the fancy title “The Earl of Sandwich.” Nope. We likely would’ve hung a handle on him that was something like, “Ol’ Earl of the Sammiches.” And truthfully, I’d have been proud of that if I was him.

You know how some folks count sheep when they can’t fall asleep? I’ve tried that before, but I always lose count because those woolly buggers all look alike to me. So I count different things on different nights. And yes, sometimes it’s sandwiches I’ve eaten during my lifetime, and it gets to the point that it feels like that scene in “Forrest Gump,” when Bubba is naming the many ways to eat shrimp.

So that means my list goes on and on, and I always conk out after 75 or so, while my belly growls because it was listening to me. There’s baloney, BLTs, gizzard sammiches, PB&Js, grilled cheese, M&M sammiches, hoagies, heroes, rabbit sammiches, pork chop sammiches, subs, clubs, salami, olive loaf, potted meat, Reubens ... roast beef ... ham and cheese ... Spammiches ... banana sammiches ... pastrami ... chicken salad ... egg salad ... tuna salad ... fish sammiches ... zzzzzzzzzzz…


Load comments