Fresh take: Wondering whether the weather is worth wondering about ... or not, Luke Wilson

I’ve heard it said about Florida that if you don’t like the weather, just wait and it’ll change for you in a day or two. We native Floridians (aka “endangered species”) know this to be true. Sometimes the weather can go from chilling to grilling in a matter of hours.

In the same day.

It’s tricky, you know. Sure as the world, as soon as you’ve got the quilts packed away for the summer, along comes a cool spell and you’re tempted to dig them out again. Such can be the bane of bedtime, especially if you and your spouse are opposites when it comes to heat and cold.

You fight over the thermostat setting as well as pull covers in the middle of the night, and unresolved struggles can have both of you waking up on the wrong side of the bed if you’re not careful. Some even believe that the one who says they don’t care for much cover is the one who usually winds up wrapped in them like a burrito, leaving the other to wake up freezing. I find that hard to believe, even though I’ve been accused of it.

It’s odd that beds can become battlegrounds. In addition to the perpetual tug of war game over covers, there’s plenty more stuff to take sides over, such as where to park cold feet, whose turn it is to feed the baby, and who should get up and go investigate strange noises that might be the bogeyman. Snoring is another point of contention, and has banished more than one person to the couch. Same goes for talking, laughing, and singing in one’s sleep.

Don’t you love it when your bedmate flails around in their sleep and whacks you upside the head, or kicks you? My wife bit me on the back of my shoulder one time, not long after we were married. I came up fighting, thinking Dracula was chomping on me, and there she was, dead asleep, as though she hadn’t done anything at all. I’m still not convinced that she wasn’t playing possum, as she had sort of a half grin on her face.

Here’s another thing — why is it called “making the bed?” Shouldn’t it be “dressing the bed” when we put sheets and stuff on it? Otherwise, how come when we get dressed, it’s not called “making the body?” I guess it’s because of that saying I wrote about a few weeks ago—“clothes make the man.” So my question is, does that mean “linens make the bed?”

Personally, I like what little bit of cool/cold weather we get here in southwest Florida. And yes, I've been told before that if I like it cold, I should move north. My attitude and accent would never let me survive up yonder, so that ain't gonna be happening in this lifetime. The jackets in my closet that I don't get to wear are so old that they've been in and out of style two or three times.

Mark Twain said, "Everybody complains about the weather, but nobody does anything about it." He has a point. Seasons are going to change (everywhere but Florida) and it's going to rain sometimes and be dry the rest of the time. Year after year.

And since we can't do anything about it, I reckon we'll just have to keep fighting over the thermostat, keep pulling covers, dress sufficiently for whatever the temperature is, have enough sense to know when to come in out of the rain, and beware those midnight backbiters!


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