Anybody who knows me knows I don’t like change ... of any kind, for the most part. I will make exceptions, however, for stuff like socks and underwear. Other than that, I am happy with everything staying the same. My parents should’ve named me Status Quo Wilson.

Case in point: This week I had to buy yet another cellphone. That’s crazy, seeing as how mine was maybe only two years old and I still hadn’t figured out all of its features and how to use or misuse them. The battery charges weren’t lasting very long, and the very helpful wireless tech told me I couldn’t just buy another battery for it. Nope, I had to get a new phone. I’m just glad that cars aren’t like that. Yet.

She was very helpful and so very patient with this old technophobe, and I am most grateful. She diligently transferred my numbers, photos, videos, and other stuff from one to another, and never once complained about how long it was taking her. It was all effortless and natural to her, and I told her that I wish there was a way to download all her tech info from her head into mine. That could happen, you know, the way technology is moving forward at Warp Five, leaving us former rotary dial-phone users choking in the dust and frustration.

Of course the phone I had was discontinued, which means I had to get a newer one that I know nothing about. And you can bet your sweet bippy that the protective case I had didn’t match up with the buttons on the new one, so I had to buy one of those, too. I guess I should start preparing for having to do this again in two years. Maybe I’ll get lucky and croak before then.

I still have my two previous phones, Flip and Flip Jr. (yes, they’re flip-phones and named for comedian Flip Wilson), as well as the first cellular phone I every bought, in 2005, which isn’t a flip one, but is pretty small. Truthfully, I think I have a couple of push-button house phones out in my shed and maybe even one with a rotary dial. Just in case the apocalypse nullifies cellphones some day.

Laugh if you want, but I might be the only one in town with a phone when it all goes down. A lot of good that will do me, though, since I’ll have the lone phone.

Is it just me, or is the phonebook (remember those?) getting thinner all the time? If so, it’s because more folks are giving up their land lines these days, and they don’t need a second line for a fax machine. Remember those? My question is, if the numbers being printed in the phonebook are becoming fewer, why in the world are the names and numbers appearing smaller? You’d think they’d use a decent sized font to make it easy for us older phone users to be able to read without squinting and looking for a magnifying glass. I just can’t win.

Thankfully, I’m not a phone person. Mine may ring once or twice a week and I may make about that many calls. Call me old-fashioned, but I still have a land line. Sometimes I wonder why, though, because the only ones who seem to know that number that I’ve had for decades are phone solicitors. And, boy, do they have my number.

I’m guessing you may get some of those calls too. One technological advancement I’m happy with is caller ID. That helps me ignore many of them. Others that appear on my phone as “Unknown” or “Unavailable” get the same treatment. If they’re unavailable, so am I. But they seem to be getting sneakier.

Now I’m getting calls from names and numbers I recognize as family and friends, and answer the phone, only to find it’s some slick solicitor. How in the world is this possible? How is it even legal? They’re sneaking through a loophole that I wish would tighten and choke them!

Who knows what phones will be like in 20 more years. I’m guessing that by then people will have some sort of chip stuck in their brains that are used for communication. Their eyes will be the camera, and they’ll only be able to take selfies when looking in the mirror. Oh, yeah, and good luck to them when they’re trying to sleep while they’re plugged into a charger at night!

I miss my rotary phone.

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